Today I asked God, “why so much pain?” Recently I went through a trial that seemed to be gigantic in pain. Physical pain, spiritual pain, psychological pain, as well as emotional pain gripped me and wouldn’t let go.  I had only experienced that kind of pain one other time in my life.  Both times I was an adult.  The first time I went through it I failed miserably.  God brought me out, but I failed in my response to the pain.  The second time I went through it, the pain was no less painful, however I came through it together and not broken into little pieces as before. God still brought me out, but I was better because of it. So, in my morning prayer as I always do, I asked God why so much pain?  I asked Him why would a God who is full of so much love, grace, mercy and forgiveness, allow me or any of His creation to go through that kind of pain. I just could not wrap my head around that.

Full disclosure, me being a servant of God who teaches the Word six days a week could not digest the reasoning behind the pain. I was hurting so bad that I had to force my way into teaching on that Sunday morning. While I was teaching the Word, the pain seemed to subside, however when I was through teaching, I found myself in my closet weeping from its overwhelming presence.  While I was weeping, I cried out to God, “God help me, I need you”. Shortly thereafter, my tears dried up, the burden lifted and I found no reason to cry any longer.

However, I still wanted to know from God, why so much pain? I guess I was sort of a little salty with God about going through such tremendous mind and heart trauma. First, He put it in perspective for me. God took me back to the Garden of Eden where it all started. He said to me, imagine for a second how Adam must have felt when I told him that the ground would be cursed because of his actions and that he would have to live and eat by the sweat of his brow. He didn’t even understand what that meant because God had placed everything under subjection to him.  Imagine how he felt to lose two sons in the same day. One son (Abel) was murdered and the other son (Cain) I chased away a murderer.  He went on to say, imagine how much pain Joseph suffered from a teenager through much of his adult life.  Also, after I instructed Samuel to anoint David a 13-year-old boy as King, imagine the trauma, heart ache and pain David went through most of his life.  At this point, I was beginning to realize where God was going with all this. After He took me through all the prophets and the pain they experienced, He brings me to the cross of Jesus Christ. By this time, my complaint had no justification. Christ not only took my pain, He took it having the foreknowledge of it. How pertinent is that point. Full disclosure, if I knew that I would have to go through that kind of pain to get to my purpose, I’m probably not doing it. Therefore, the mere fact that Jesus knew he was about to incur such trauma just for me, washes away any complaint of any kind of pain that I experienced or will have to experience.

I know I said perspective and purpose. The purpose is now simple. However God wants to use my pain for His purpose is fine with me.  It is only a light temporary affliction.

-Brian McQueen, Servant of Jesus Christ